I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
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i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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