so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
