All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
