Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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