If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
