two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
