so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
