Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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