It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
