There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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