and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
