And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
