So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Randomize
