this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
We got so high we made milksteak
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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