Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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