Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
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