is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
