Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
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