When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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