i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
