We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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