Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Success! We fucked roommates!
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
