i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
