When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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