the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
