Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
