he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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