What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
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She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
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Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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