remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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