At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm just crazy horny about you
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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