i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
