WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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