it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
he was CRYING into my vagina
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
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It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
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Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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