My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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