I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
How external is "for external use only"?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
