Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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