i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
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I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
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Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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