oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
