just come out here and I will go home with you...
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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