I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
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