The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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