Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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