: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Randomize
