I got chris browned last night
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
