when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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