I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
