my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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