Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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