We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
