Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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