I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Randomize
