I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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