So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
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Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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