Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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