maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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