I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
