This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
