I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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