Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize