Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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