YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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