there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
