I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Randomize
